Art journaling

I finally had time and focus to art journalthis weekend. I kept coming back to it all day long. Taking breaks here and there. It felt so great to actually complete a few pages. 

Did I get anything done I was suppose to get done. No not at all. But this felt great!!!! 

  

Here I used what I learned in Finns class. Remembering that it takes time. 

 

I love Halloween. It always inspires me to create more. I need to embrace that more. Makes me feel great and that I can actually do and create. 

Sadness

I can't help but feel a deep sadness for what is going on in our country.

I don't understand why we don't have stricter guns laws. I know everyone has the right to bare arms, I'm ok with that. But what I'm not ok with is the fact how easy it is to get a gun, and how everyone is using them for anything.

Just yesterday on my street, a guy had a ton of gun, held his wife and daughter hostage because HIS FRIEND WOULDN'T TEXT HIM BACK!!!!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

What is going on?

Mental health is a big issue, bulling in school. How we treat people. The entitlement of what we with is owed to us.

Believe I get mad when I see people breaking the law and get rewarded for it. I follow the law, and when I break it I get caught. It's my karma, I've come to terms with it. Do not use me as the get away car if you are robbing a bank, I will get pulled over for something.

So...I think a lot and most people are like me, and see others get away with so much, that they are fed up and say fuck it. IF that person can do this...then I can. And now we have a ton of angry people in the world. I'm tired too. I have two jobs. I'm tired every day, I'm battling a concussion still. I'm trying to make time to do things for myself. But honestly that only happens maybe once a week. I have three fur babies. My partner and I are thinking about having a kid. Why would I want to bring a kid into this world that is so corrupt? I know be the change. Raise the kid as apart of the change.

But right now I see nothing but bad things and its getting worse. I actually feel scared.

I'm sad. I'm so sad and I don't ever remember being this sad before. I hurt for so many people. and I'm angry at our government. I'm angry at people poisoning others for money and greed.

What happened to wanting to be happy? I want to be happy but I don't want to kill my self to be happy. And I feel like that.

I went to college, I have a degree, I am a hard worker, and I work my ass off. I'm tired. So why is it, I can't make enough money to survive or go on vacations.

I go pay check to pay check. and I get home at 10 pm every night. I wouldn't be able to have a child. My schedule and jobs wouldn't really allow it.

I just don't understand. I know there is NEED FOR CHANGE. but how do you implement that without causing more chaos. And really, there isn't. you ask for change and people will rebel, but then they will see.... oh this is better and safer.

Head

Lets talk about how it's going to be two years since the accident July 11th and I'm still getting headaches. 

This process has been then worst thing- or not the worst- but it's been mind altering. I have changed as a person, it had changed my creativity. It has changed the fact that I can't dance anymore and my dreams are slowing slipping away from me. 

Now my mom would totally change that part about me, but I've had a headache now for a week straight and I'm literally ready to jump off a cliff. I can't take the pain anymore. What more am I supposed to do? I sleep as much as I can. I have two jobs! When I get home I can't even watch tv or listen to music because my brain has had enough. 

AND..... Lights in a dark room triggers the headaches. I'm a god damn performer for peaks sake! How am I supposed to be in a theatre during tech or even watching shows when it triggers migraines. To the point I don't understand what I'm seeing. I'm at a point where I'm ready to quit dance. I'm serious, how can I get better and perform when I can't get the headache to go away. I don't want to give up. But I can't take extra classes for me when I work two jobs, and have the headache. What am I supposed to do? 

So that is an update. I feel like I'm going backwards. I did great for 3 months. Then during comp in Seattle, I almost threw up from the lights flashing. I knew I was done, but still needed to be there for my students. And honestly I'm so done with this injury I just want to push through it. But how can I? 

So again that's where I am. Trying to get better for me, and trying to heal. Because who can take off two years off to heal as an adult? No body can.... Unless you are the 1 % or married to someone who makes millions. It sucks. But I'm trying my best everyday! 

New Iphone 6s

well....I would take a pic of this beautiful machine and then write on blogger through the blogger app. But apple decided to take away blogger from the app store since it's a google product! seriously are we that petty now that you wont let someone use a different companies product because you want me to use you'rs now. 

What is going on. I get it, I know it's all about the product and about money and domination, but come one. Let me choose to use what I like. 

So, to get this wonderful picture of my phone. I had to take it with another phone, and then email it to myself, then download it to this computer, and then I could drag it to blogger. Now when I could have to just taken the picture and then selected it from my phone and then continued to write this dumb blog. 





Now, normally I wouldn't have chosen such a bright color for my case I always go with black because it never gets dirty. But this time, I just thought who cares. I want to have a bright blue case. I loved the color. Who cares if it gets dirty right away, its a case, its going to get dirty and if I don't like it I will buy a different one. But for $40.00 I will not buy another one. LOL I will have this one for a good 4 years. I have had a new phone every 4 years. I think that's pretty good. It is acting up the phone that is, so it was time for a new one. 

New plan- Iphone forever. So I pay $26 more to LEASE my phone, which is fine but I don't know it feels weird knowing that I actually don't own my phone. So how it works is, you pay the $26 extra every month to lease this phone for 12 months, and then you can get the newest phone. so you have the phone for a year. then what do they do with the old phone? or you can keep making payments until you own the phone which would take me almost two years to pay for it. 

So its a good deal anyways, but my contacts and having to transfer everything over to a new phone is a bitch. seriously have to rewrite all new contacts. OH guess what!!!!  I'm just going to text all the contacts information!!!! Hell's YEAH!

It's from Iphone to iphone and I'll just click create new! YES OH YES! ok going to go do that for a while. 

I knew there was an easier way, I just needed to get creative with it! LOL

Humanity

Yesterday a poor soul decided to jump from the I-5 Bridge into the lake. 

Now - my first thought was to chant nam myo ho renge kyo. Yes I am a Buddhist. Obviously this person, thought there was no other way then to take him own life. 

And now I just researched it, he was planning and threatening to Jump but never did. The point here is that he stopped traffic, that is TERRIBLE to begin with. He stopped traffic in both directions for almost 4 hours on a Tuesday night. where it takes me an hour to get home anyways. 

the sad part is, someone I know posted about this on facebook, saying how lucky she was to get over the bridge and then they stopped traffic right behind her and then she said "go suck it I-5 jumper". 

this made me so sad. 1 - you don't know what was actually going on, 2 - this person was on the verge of taking their life

3- Where did humanity and kindness go in this country?

Believe me. I dont have it easy. I work two jobs to barly make it. But I do have a supporting family. I bought a house, I have a car, we have running water and water to drink. Mind you a britta to filter the water through. Three awesome animals. We can eat what we want and work out and buy things when we need it. 

But I'm tired. I'm tired of working all day long getting home at 10pm having to go to bed and then get up again. I don't get to do what I want with my free time because honestly I don't have free time anymore. There is no suck thing as free time with me. Hence why I choose not to have friends because I don't honestly have 30 mins to my self, and when I do I'm sitting on the couch resting my brain and or doing house work or running errands. 

So to hear this, yes If I was stuck in that traffic especially on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are days I don't teach dance and I get to go home early. I would have been pissed, but finding out what happened, I would have changed the way I reacted. I feel sorry for that poor person who needs help or a friend. 

It's just sad to read things like that on the internet. To read other posts, "just let him jump there are boats that can get him". 

It breaks my heart. caring for others doesn't come about anymore.

Dear Sales Rep

Dear Sales rep who has a problem with the way I RUN MY OFFICE,

Every office is ran differently. J  I have trained many OP’s with my systems. Every sales rep thanks me for the systems that are put in place and then they tweak it so it works for their office. I always train every OP with that state of mind.   Systems makes the office run smoothly, and it holds accountability for every person in the office. By having systems, this corrects communication errors.

Here in this office, we use sticky notes because the Sales Reps want to. J  This is what we decided on an office TOGETHER, not because I want or chose to.   I also follow up with an email when tasks are done. This again was decided by the office together as a team so we are all on the same page and everyone knows what got done and what still needs to get done. Here we don’t have any communication issues, and if we do have them, we get together as an office and work together as a team to fix and find a solution that works with everyone.

I’m always chosen to train OP’s because our office is ran so well. All the sales reps here in my office trust me in doing my job, and they know I will get it done no matter what.  We all want the same thing in office, To do well and to sell more.  I am a part of that team.

Just so you know, here in the office everything that is suggested doesn’t always work. We give it a trail period of a few months, and then get back together and tweak the system so it works for OUR office. I get calls from OP’s from all over the US to ask how I do things. I always say this is what we do here and it might not work for your office but you can try.  I always follow up to see what worked for them and if they have any suggestions so I can take those suggestions back to everyone here in the office to make our office a positive awesome working environment.  

I hope you have a wonderful selling day.

First 5 k - Vancouver Couv

So.....First let me just tell you. I hate running. With a passion, HATE IT! But Anetra wanted to do this, and I thought hey ok lets try this. 

So, well I ran...ok jogged the first half mile. then walked. Now let me tell you, for the first two miles, I thought to myself. 

Why the hell do people pay money to run! I mean come on!!!! I mean, I was speed walking and busting my butt, and people were walking faster than me! like passing me like I was just strolling along in high heels. 

So....my legs hurt, its raining, and I'm alone walking with my thoughts. just realizing, how alone I really am. 

I don't like running, so i don't have people walking with me. There are all these people who are in two's and fours and groups doing this together. Anetra took off running because she is runner. So I walked. I couldn't run, I'm not a runner. I do know I will not do that again. I am glad I did it once!
3 miles is alot to do. I mean we did 18 miles in one day at Disneyland. But COME ON it was DISNEYLAND! The happiest place on earth. This was terrible. 

I do have to say, when I saw the mile marker 2, I was so excited to know I only had 1 more mile. I then pushed myself more. But not that much more, I was already pushing as hard as I could. 

I was happy Anetra came back for me to help me finish. I was proud of myself, but man that was hard!