Life likes to throw many different balls all at once at you expecting you to catch all of them, juggle them, and maybe even throw them back at what ever was throwing them at you in the first place.
I met someone. I met a women who I thought didn't exist. I met someone who is kind and caring and doesn't judge me for the little things that I feel like I fail at. I am messy. I spill, I run into things, I don't always put my clothes away at night. Yet she doesn't say anything about it. now I don't know if that's only because we have been together for only 6 months. but the way we fit is amazing. I still get tingles in my stomach when I look at her. I still feel like i'm the luckiest person alive to be just sitting next to her. I love looking at her, memorizing all her features, her life lines in her beautiful face. looking into her eyes, and watching her face start to smile when she notices me just staring at her. How creepy right. well no, I love looking at her, observing her. taking her into me. really learning about her.
I really never thought I would be with another person. I know we all say this, but really what I have been through. I never really thought I would be able to open myself up again. And I do find at time, I am closed, not wanted to fully expose myself, because I've always been cheated on. I've always been changed, and left heart broken.
this time, I told myself I wont change who I am and I will be able to find someone to love me for me. My loud crazy self. I love whole heartedly and do everything in my will power to give and give and give and give. that is just who I am, and how I am in a relationship. yes that can be a flaw . but a flaw people fall in love with.
6 months later- I am re reading what I wrote. and I still feel the same way about her. I still find myself staring at her, watching for a smile. I love that, the beginning of a smile.
I moved in- we live together. we play house. hee hee
we got a dog -Named Malakai Doogan- we call him Kai. He is 3/4 blind and we love him. I love him. Never thought I would really love a dog. But I do. I think of him often and just love him. He is just starting to howl. He is one year old, just like our relationship.
Today, we get a Bengal cat. I miss Reno and she will always be my first. I think of her daily actually. but we always have to move forward. If we don't move forward, we get stuck and never really keep learning and striving for better selfs.
Our kitty's name is Moxen Harbor we will call him Mox....
YES- the way I know that a name is good and will stay is practicing yelling their full name when they are in trouble. and yes I did do this many times. got laughed out, well to think of it, it is kind of funny. But - Moxen Harbor you get down off the countertops right now mister. LOL . it just fits. It really does.
I will post pics in a few days. we get him tonight and I'm sure I wont be able to take my hands off him.