Wednesday, August 19, 2015

House Update


I know - you are probably thinking wait, the last post I posted was of reading, how the seller wouldn't do anything.

Well, we made deals - our realtor actually is going to pay for a few things. so we are ok.

Yes we signed the papers - and there was literally a ton of papers to sign, and ones that repeated themselves. there was three pages that said the same thing but worded differently. crazyness.

So then it needed to get recorded. I thought as I'm signing and you take my money for the down payment I would get the keys. OH NO. Not yet. lol

We did get the keys, a day later, and we had picked out paint at least two weeks ago. So I went and tried it all out. I loved all the colors.

See!!!! Yes we will have a rainbow house. Just wait until you see the green.

I painted for an entire weekend. You don't even know. I mean you probably do know, but I forgot how long it takes to tape off the parts you don't want painted. I didn't do this for the red room at first and thought oh Ill be care full. yeah not three rooms later. oh No...tape is required. lol.

I'll post picks later when every room is done. It makes me so happy all our colors. We are such colorful people.

This is what is called Flirt Alert. Oh yes, it's that bright and looks and feels so amazing. Red you say, doesn't that make you angry. Um no. It represents Love, passion, friendship. And actually whatever color speaks to me, is how I feel anyways. It's not your room or your house you are living in.

It really bothers me, when people go to see other people homes and say I'll never do that. Or those colors are just not for me I don't know how they do it. EXACTLY YOU ARE NOT THAT PERSON. YOU ARE NOT ME!

This is the living room. The accent wall is the brown below. Now, this room is painted all ready, and every time I walk out and then back In, I say. I love this blue! LOL. I know a few people are tired and are making fun of me for saying it because I do I love it. It makes me smile. It makes me happy. And i'm so excited I get to pick my own wall colors out. I mean shopping for the colors it took us three house to come up with all this. But I was so excited its not even funny!
 We went with the brown on the left. Because I mean come on the brown on the right look like baby poop. just down right yuck!

This is the bonus room. I love the Orange!
from this room you can see the deck to the right, and I think we are going to have this be the gaming room. DVD's will go in here, the super Nintendo. You know stuff like thaat.

Yes our kitchen will be yellow. A Bright ass yellow! Here you can see all three colors in the same photo. Yes I know, it's bright but oh I'm so in love! remember it's my house not yours.

Yes we don't have a Fridge, and my other half sold her old home with the Fridge in it, so we need a new one. we found one, but that's a different story.

So that is it for now. WE GOT THE HOUSE! doesn't feel real, at all. like I don't think it really happened.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

House Update

Yes this is an update.

So what happens now, is you tell the seller what you want fixed on the house. Well actually you tell your realtor and then they go to the other realtor and then they talk to the seller. YUCK.

Anyways -

We wanted some main things fixed, but HE WILL NOT FIX THEM. its not a deal breaker for us to purchase the house, because we want this house. but what a dick! I mean come on, you are getting TOP DOLLAR for this house. And you can't fix a few things.

It's gotten to the point now that we don't care. We are going to fix these things.

I told anetra, well this is a new adventure - Off subject - (I was so excited that I used the word ADVENTURE because I get Ali Edwards Monthly Story kits, and Adventure was one of them. Oh I'm so excited to do a page or two, or a book like I like to do, since I can never pick out just 1 photo, and I love the photos no one ever likes anyways. lol ) ok

SO - yes buying this house will be an adventure because well, we are just going to take responsibility for everything, and not blame or talk bad about the seller once we get the house. If something breaks we fix it. I mean we have so many fun plans we want to do anyways. I'm excited. I just want to get in there, and start painting already.

It's awesome to know, that I will have someplace to call my house, and I can do whatever I want with it. Well checking in with my Partner of course.

The Appraisal came back at the asking price. We really wanted it to come in lower, but everything happens for a reason. So this is good news. Now the next part, is actually going in and giving the down payment. (OUCH) and then signing our life's (LITERALLY) away. my mother said not to get upset when signing the papers and seeing actually how much we will pay for the house. So if we stay and end up paying and not selling in 15 years like Anetra wants too. UGGG....then we will have paid over 1 MILLION for the house. Oh how I wish I could just win the lottery so I don't have to worry about working 24-7. Don't get me started, because I will go there. But not today.

So -

We sold her house, and the inspection just happened, and now we hope for the appraisal comes back as we want it.

Until the next update.

New Addition

This is Skyla Blue- we will call her Sky. All her siblings have 2-3 syllable names and 1 syllable code names.

Moxen Habor- we call him Mox
Malakai Doogan- we call him Kai. 

So Sky is perfect for her. She has night blue eyes, and is all white with light faint tan spots. Her spots will get darker with age. She weighs 4 lbs! And is on her way to gaining weight. 

She is very shy... Did I saw that all ready. She doesn't trust people that well and doesn't really know how to play. But she loves AnĂ©tra! She hears her voice and she just perks up. She has really taken to our home and to Mox and Kai.  

She really needed is. I kept seeing she was still available on the Internet and just felt in my gut we need to take her home. She needs to be with us. And well I love cats. And to see her not be taken because she is not out going at all. Got my heart. She is completely different then when I saw her a month ago, and even at the breeders on Tuesday. She is just so special. And a terror, and going to rule the boys. They both come running when she cries already. Can you believe that? I can't. But it's cute. Mox keeps trying to play but he hasn't played with another cat in about 6 mints, and she wants to cuddle but doesn't know how.  They will figure it out. I just loved watching her meet Mox last night. She just threw her self at him. And Kai, loves her already. I knew she was going to work! Here to Skyla Blue! 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

House Hunting

I never thought I would Own a house. I know the first step is to buy one. But really? I thought I would be renting for the rest of my life in NYC. Crazy how things change. 

When I left NYC in 2008, the year before I would have never thought I would have moved or ended up in Portland Or. NEVER. I still can't wrap my heard around it. 

But the time has come for me and my partner to buy a house. And so it has begun. 

First let me say, when I thought about buying a house, I thought it would happen like this. 
We get approved for the loan, AWESOME, then we find a house. DONE. then we say we want it and they hand over the keys!!!! UM NO! This is not how it goes. ANd there is no picture of you holding that white thing with the sold side on your front lawn laughing like this was the easiest thing you have ever done. NOTE TO SELF I will take that picture! 

So - first thing- get a realtor. DONE - 
Second - Basically be on Zillow EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE! 

Yes I have to admit, this part was fun - AT FIRST - but after about 2 months of looking at houses, I was thinking, they all look the same. Honestly I don't care where we live as long as we have a back yard. A big one. 

So the first house we went to see, I fell in love with it. I did. I still want that house. Only really because of the HUGE yard and the sun room. I would live in that sun room. I didn't care about any other part of the house. Which this is bad, because honestly, the master bedroom didn't have a closet and the bathroom was the size of a closet and the shower, only 1 person could fit in it. Ok....So I got wrapped up in the let just get this over with sort of thing. 

At this point, we weren't approved for a loan yet, so we were on the phone for like an hour to get approved. Which we were. I knew we would be. But then, reality set in. It was 20 more minutes to my commute. It wasn't near anyone - Anetra didn't like that. And I really needed a closet. BUT I always see the good. Who cares about the master bedroom, in a few years we will just extend the house and make it bigger. Thats how I think. So really any house I go and see, I think yeah I can do this and we can change this and that, because honestly nothing we find is goung to be perfect. It really just isn't. 

SO - now that you know that. Let the fun (NOT REALLY) begin. 

1 day we see I think 3 different house. All Fail! This one house, had 3 rabbit, 2 goats and like 10 chickens. Ok only 5 chickens. But come on now. But their veggies garden in the front is what sold me. but the house, I didn't like. 

Another House we went too, I walked in and said right away NO. I could feel it. I wanted to walk back out, but made myself walk through it anyways. And of course my head was like ok this is doable isn't it. But my gut kept answering NO, this isn't it. Nope we need to leave, NEXT!

so the next one. WE BOTH LOVED! We came back to see it 4 times! 4!!!! ok maybe I only saw it 3 times, but Anetra saw it 4 times. we were set on it. we were. We offered, and the seller, wanted way to much money for the area. and we didn't have a yard at all. like at all. WE countered back and forth a few times and he was just a dick. And then we decided to just walk away. 

WE WALKED AWAY after getting emotionally involved in it. I was heart broken. This is when it started to not get fun at all. How can you not day dream about your life in the house before you buy it. I mean come one, I have to see us living there, having people over, walking around naked. hee hee. But I can't not. This is house number 2 that I fell for and can't have. What the point of looking at Zillow getting their updates everyday of new house and then wanted to look but think, dont get attached. And how do you not get attached. I mean come on! 

So - we see more, and boy this one, the ground was so uneven I was actually falling into walls, and felt drunk. There was no way Kai could walk in there. But It was a cool layout. lol. ( I told you lol) but it was a hard core NO. Our realtor even said oh hell no. Not like that, but in his alter ego he would have said that. I just know he would. 

Then we see a few more, one a cop was living in, and we were being taped and hear the whole time. Freaking. I didn't like that. And then we kind of gave up. 

On a Sunday we were headed to the grocery store and decided to just drive around and look at the outsides of houses. It was fun imagining the scary and awesome things people could have behind their doors. We found a few open houses. one was SCARY, the other one, we loved. yes we loved. Had Joe come that night to check everything out, we walked through it again, talked about it. I was not excited at all though. I loved it, but it was a stay away from me arms length, and don't smile at me at all love. Because the reality was, i'm sure something will happen. 

So we put an offer on it, we counted a few times, finally decide on a price. I know i'm writing it as it happened so smoothly. But really it was this. 

We put the offer in. an hour later....." you hear from Joe yet" . "nope" dang it. another hour later....."anything"......"nope". PISS!

then we hear back. ACCEPTED! AWESOME, so what do we do. we spend 3 hours at home depot picking out paint for the whole house! of course I did research on what colors represent and how they make you feel, fungschai.  (how ever you spell it) yes I said 3 hours. 

So now, we make an apt with loan officer to sign 50 pages. YES IT WAS 50 PAGES!. Um, my brain couldn't handle everything she was explaining. It was way over my head and for me, to understand something I need to know all sides of it. so I looked at Anetra and said you got this? because I don't. 

So we continue signing papers, printing out bank accounts, making sure the Ernest money isn't drug money. OH COME ON! this process SUCKS! makes you not want to buy a house. It's stressful and just plain sucks! I mean it, stress upon stress and sucks!

So- next step - Inspection time. YEAH! finally moving forward. I mean we picked out the paint, I just want to paint already. 

We get the report back, and oh boy. I'm overwhelmed and start crying. yes, I'm crying now. Its to much, we had one day to really look at it, and go over it. we have only about another week before we loose the rate that we are locked in at. We still have to get an appraisal done. And we might not even get the house now. ONLY BECAUSE SELLER DOESN'T WANT TO FIX THINGS THAT NEED TO BE FIXED. COME ONE NOW! it's Structural. We aren't going to buy the house until you get someone to look at this shit. Yes I'm cussing now, because seller just wants to sell and make money and be done. WE just want to buy and make sure we don't have to put in ANOTHER $22,000.00 Just because you don't want to make sure the roof over was done right, or the chimney that came back DEFECTIVE on the report, is safe for us to move in. PISS OFF! that is where we are now, we tell them what they need to fix, and he will say yeah or no. So he comes back with NO, I'm only going to fix the shit we were going to fix anyways. and nothing that we really want. So we counter again, and say no we want this done, or we are done. And then we will back out. 

What does this mean? WE HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN! 

I told my mom and Anetra. I'm done looking for houses. You two do it. I need a break. I now have to get over another heart break where we bought sample paint for. 

and I wasn't excited - but I was - but i'm not. Because I some how knew this was going to happen. 

Here we go - living out of boxes again. 

I'll do another update when the next step happens. .

Thursday, July 16, 2015

OLW - July

I got really excited when I found out about this months prompt. It had to do with music.
i love music. I'm a dancer, so I figured yeah I got this one in the bag.

Well - SO - we are to find songs that we love that somehow relate to our word.

My word is courage.

If you know me. Well, I choreograph to sad heart wrenching songs. they speak to me. I don't really like happy songs. And so to try and find a song about courage or even relate to it. um, yeah not going to happen. I have been researching for the whole month so far..... everything I put into google to read the lyrics, thinking, oh yeah I love this song, This is going to be great.

Is about some heart broken person, of not being able to hang out. And yes I have changed artist. I mean its crazy.

one student this year asked me, Jen why is all your music so sad. And I had to think to myself, its not sad at all. Yeah, well until I started to really listen to the songs. Yes they actually all are. even the more upbeat ones. They are sad heart breaking songs.

So, in doing this prompt. Which I now am hating. only because my word is COURAGE. COURAGE of all things. And well, I have found a few songs, that say give me some kind of courage to get over the heart break. but not really.

On thing that was suggested was to login in to Spotify, which I have and love that music streaming file. I enter the word courage, and do you know what pops up for music.

ALL LYRICLESS SONGS! the first 10 have no lyrics at all. And I thinking. Is this a sign. I mean really is it? because now I'm thinking I chose the wrong word. But really its the right word for me.

I don't think I've done enough with my word this year. at all. I have been actually filled with Fear. BUT alot of things are changing. My life is forcing me to change really.

I don't really like it. because I don't like change. but then again, I do. I'm so weird.

But So, I got a few songs. The lyrics aren't that encouraging. But she did say to dissect the music that you have been listening to over and over again. so I used those.

See below:

Swimming - Florence and the Machine
I tired to remember the chorus
I can't remember the verse
cause that song that sent me swimming
is now the life jacket that burst

Living for Love - Madonna
Took me to heave and let me fall down
now that its over I'm gonna carry on
lifted me up and watched me stumble 
After the heartache I'm gonna carry on

Silent all these years - Tori Amos
WEll I love the way we communicate
your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
lets hear what you think of me now
but baby don't look up
the sky is falling

Letters from the sky - Civil Twilight
one of these days the sky' gonna break
and everything will escape and I'll know
once of these days the mountains
are gonna fall in the sea and they'll know

Believe - Mumford & Sons
You may call it in this evening
but you've only lost the night
preset all your pretty feelings
may they comfort you tonight
and i'm climbing over something
and I'm running through these walls

Silver and gold - Joanna Erdos
So I must find another way
to get through the month. the week. or the day
yes I will find the power
to live in the moment
at least in the hour
or the power will find me oh ee.

Oats in the water- Ben Howard
Go your way,
I'll take the long way round,
I'll dins my own way down
as I should

Higher love - Steve Winwood
Worlds are turning and we're just hanging on
facing our fear and standing out there alone
a yearning and its real to me

End of All days - 30 seconds to mars
The desert is calling
the emptiness of space
the hunger of a lion
is written on your face
a manic's new love song
destruction is his game
i need a new direction
cause I have lost my way

Anticipate - Ani DiFranco
Cause someone you don't know
is someone you don't know
get a firm girp girl
before you let go
for every hand extended 
another lies in wait
keep your eye on that one

Well - This last one- Is really the only one that is really positive. So for now these are them. BUT I'm going to continue to really keep looking. lol

I know my creative process and what i connect too, I can't really change. It is just what it is. One of my favorite songs last year. Black Flies by Ben Howard. I still love that song. But really? there is nothing that talk about courage there. Unless I'm not really seeing, or going into depth enough. I don't know. What do you think?

Black Flies"

Black flies on the windowsill
That we are
That we are
That we are to know
Winter stole summer's thrill
And the river's cracked and cold

See the sky is no man's land
A darkened plume to stay
Hope here needs a humble hand
Not a fox found in your place

And no man is an island, oh this I know
But can't you see, oh?
Maybe you were the ocean, when I was just a stone

Black flies on the windowsill
That we are
That we are
That we are to hold
Comfort came against my will
And every story must grow old

Still I'll be a traveler
A gypsy's reins to face
But the road is wearier
With that fool found in your place

And no man is an island, oh this I know
But can't you see, oh?
Maybe you were the ocean, when I was just a stone

So here we are...

And I don't wanna beg your pardon
And I don't wanna ask you why
But if I was to go my own way
Would I have to pass you by?

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Monday, March 9, 2015


YEAH I MADE THESE!!!! So proud of my self!

Famous Gravy and BLUE STAR

Anetra has been trying to take me to this breakfast place called Gravy, but every time we head there, there is a line around the block.

They don't take reservations and they close at 3 pm daily. Well today there was a huge line, but we only waited 10 minutes. Plus waiting in the sun, didn't bother me at all.

She is Always on her phone. 
Beautiful right? This was Lazy Sunday. I really wanted to go take class since Jump was here, but waking up with  a headache everyday for the past 3 weeks is not fun, and my lower back hurts and my hips and I've gain my 40 lbs back!!!! So stoked about this. Dont worry, those fat lbs will come off!

This is the Menu. 
 This is what we had to choose from. 
I got the Chilie Verde. My eyes went straight to it. I mean I know it wasn't going to be better then Nana's but come on, something told me to try it. Anetra got roast beef hash, and we got 1 biscuit and gravy to try. Have to try the gravy if you go to a place called gravy. LOL AND it wasn't great. I didn't like it.

Her's and he gravy....

Now, The chilie Verde, WAS AMAZING! It literally melted in your mouth. OH MY GOD! I'm taking NANA there next time and telling her to get it, or I will get it again. 

What is funny, is we went to breakfast thinking we were going to get our normal things, eggs, sausage and bacon. But then we both picked something different. I'm so glad I did. IT WAS AWESOME! And we both took a ton of Digest Zen. hee hee

BLUE STAR. Ok so....WE have been HEARING these are the best Donuts ever! like ever....and well donuts are donuts to me, so really I didn't really believe them and well its just all sugar. Well F me...because these are the BEST DONUTS I've EVER had. Yes that deserves all caps. Because it was so good, and not so sugary. Well the ones we had weren't. And we even got a free donut. Like we needed it, and mind you i'm eating instead of taking a dance class. but the headaches are taking over my life. more on that later. And More digest Zen. 

I got a leomon poppy old fashion, and She got something with blackberry filling and peanut butter dust. and the free one was a lemon custard curd thing. Now that wasn't that good. But MINE was to die for. Oh mouth is watering right now. 

Then we went home, watched the showcase to see MVP's RAW kill it. Then the normal stuff. 

This is Anetra and I. We went to the Ballet last Friday night. She shaved her head about a week ago for her friend that has cancer. Anetra is a cancer survivor. She does what she can to help anyone out. 

Now...walking through down town Portland. Come on it's portland, where people don't match, have every color and every style of hair, while seeing people in suits and full on dresses. (like us) 

BUT for some reason, that night we were getting stared at. LIKE CRAZY. I think people trying to figure out if she was a boy or a girl. Honestly she looks like a girl to me. But whatever. I told her it was because she was soooooo HOT! because HELLO she is. and I'm totally in love with her. 

Ballet was great. made me want to start taking classes again, which Im just trying to stretch. Damn car crash that happened almost a year ago. yuck. 

I like this photo. She is so cute!

UpDate : Bullet Journal

I love it, I'm still getting used to it and like anything else.

The one thing I don't like it recording the index page.

1- because there is no method to it, if you have a category then you write it down and all the pages that relate to that go under it. but i don't like that. What if i run out of room. Or then it's not Alphabetized. I hate that.

2- there really isn't a two. I just don't have a method of it yet. and when I figure one out, I will want to start over. lol

 But how else are you going to find things. I mean right now I have about 30 pages written all different and have different meanings. I need that index page for reference. but i don't like it at all.

Once I really figure out what I mean by I don't like it. I will let you know.

One thing I don't like either, is I like to group things together and have all information all in the same place but back to back. Bullet Journal is not all back to back but I take it everywhere and take notes doing whatever I want too.

SO.....I liked having different notebooks because all my thoughts on that one subject was in one place and grouped together.

What I can do, is leave a bunch of pages blank behind it, which I actually have been doing to see if I like that. But then I don't not like using up all space.

I'm so weird at times. But I love the Bullet Journal. Now to get my mom to try it. Going to buy her a book and see if she will try it out. She has about 10 notebooks in her purse. LOL I know I had 5, but was on my way there.

Change - It's all about adapting and changing. I think she will like it. Maybe not though.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Throw Back Thursday

I love the New kids on the Block. 
They were my very first TAPE ever!

I mean they were cute, I was young. And they could DANCE!. hee hee

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


I got my word the other day,. Made me feel so good.


my word is challenging me right now. I need the courage to actually really change. I'm tired of having two jobs, i'm not tired of the money that comes in. But whats the point of having money you can't really spend or have time to yourself or spend time with your loved ones.

I'm at a loss.


My college Professor died the other day.

Ron Tossone.

He was amazing. I loved his energy I loved his classes. I miss his warm up. I miss him. I have always wanted to make it back to Point Park to say hello. my favorite class was at 1:30 Tuesday through Friday in room 708. I loved that studio, when it got light, it was so nice. We always did jazz runs, and old school jazz. Really its Luigi Jazz. I was raised on this style of dance. LOVED it! It needs to come back actually. I'm ready for power house Jazz routines again.

my lesson learned, don't wait for the prefect moment to do something. just do it. do it now or the time will be to late.

This is so scary to me. I am going through this right now as we speak. I want to quit one of my jobs, obviously not dance, but I can't afford it. I really can't not if we are going to buy a house soon. but something has to give. something does. I'm so tired.  I'm all over the place. I'm trying. I'm happy, but not happy because I have projects I want to do, and I honestly don't have time to do them, unless I only get about 3 hours of sleep.

What to do....what to do...

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Bullet Journal

On a blog, I don't remember who's but I follow so many to get inpired and to see what others do for organization, I found this. 

Bullet Journal

first off - 

I have like 5 notebooks in my purse. yes 5!!!! 
All for different meanings. 

lets see:
the white one:     my daily calender. 
never ending:       journal/ one little word
comp book :        disorder (dance)
one little black :   costumes/dance
on little black :     notes

I am a post it note queen, I write things everywhere and then just stick it on my calendar. Then move the sticky note and then lose the sticky notes. Then rewrite what I thought I had to do. I love to cross things out. So using the cross out for irrelevant is going to be hard for me. Cross out means done in my head. we are supposed to check the box or make an x....but....I am going to try it his way, but I don't think that is going to last.  Plus its easier on my eyes to know the cross out means DONE! for irrelevant we just let be. or a double cross out. Yeah I think I like that. Double cross out it is. 

so anyways on someone's blog, they said they are bullet journaling. Now I can see right now, I will still need my calendar only because I have to write things down and I'm very busy. one line a day is not enough for me. 
Thinking on a solution on that one. 5 books to 2 books is so much better, but again I want one place! 
This other person bought a min calendar to put in the back. Maybe I'll print out my own and paste it in there. I'm not sure yet. 

So I made my key, I wrote out the month, then my tasks - yes there are a lot right now. But I love writing things down. I'm not to key on having to write things down again, or I am confused on the day to day part. Not sure. I'm watched the video like 3 times, taking note. LOL

well I really need a solution. My purse is always so heavy and then I always freak when I never have the correct notebook. 

I'm trying this out, because I know me and my mom are the same. She has about 10 notebooks all shapes and sizes. If I could help her with that, MAN this would be great. 

I subject my life in notebooks, its vary hard to even think about combining them, but I'm so excited to try. 
Here we go! lets see how long this last!. 
I just know I have to carry it everywhere. 
like EVERYWHERE or it wont happen, even to teach my kids. 
I want to track what we do and be able to go back to it, so I can be a better teacher. 
Yeah i'm so excited and this is what I needed today. As you can see I'm a busy girl. 

Throw Back Thursday

True Blue Madonna



So we have comp this weekend. I think you should know my schedule because I still can't believe I have made it this week. 

Lets start with last valentines day. 

10-4pm taught dance
rush to the fabric store to get more thread
make dinner
7-10pm start sewing
10-11:30 pm watch movie with my girl friend

Sunday - 
up at 8:30
grocery shopping for sunday dinners
got food in the crockpot by 10:30am
10:30 - 6:45pm SEWING
8pm-1am SEWING

work 8-4pm
teach dance 5-9:30 pm
10:15 pm home - 1am SEWING

work 8- 3
worked out 
7pm started sewing until 1am

work 8-2:30 
store for more thread
taught dance 4-9
home at 10:30 
10:30 -1am SEWING

work 8-2:30
teach dance 3:30- 6
break - finish sewing costumes by hand
teach 7:45-9:15
home by lets say 10pm
10:30 SEWING until I finsh

What I have to do tonight. 
Finish 5 tops
completely make a new skirt

work 8-5pm
comp from 5- midnight

work 10-1:00
comp from 2-midnight

comp from 9-midnight. 

I'm tired just looking at the days coming up. especially tonight. 

Im done. 

I'm crazy. 

my poor family. 

How many times have I cried you ask?   3.....not bad. Chanting helps ALOT, my awesome girlfriend who is getting everything for me and doing everything for me. I have not helped clean the house or do anything in over a week. :(   This is our life. Life of an artits and dancer/ dance teacher. What we do for these kids, and they don't even know. 

On another note just found these at work, Thank you for brining them in!!!!!

I know I'm not supposed to eat them. But I'm going to anyways today. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Kai - my first dog

This is Kai. Malakai Doogan.  We have had him for almost a year in July.

He is my first dog. The best dog. the one you want to stay with you forever.

He is so funny, he loves veggies. He eats two pieces of sweet potatoes every morning for his breakfast.

He comes running when you are chopping zucchinis. He loves zucchinis. I don't understand why he does but he does.

He love me. I've never had a dog really love me. He checks on me, does Gongyo, with me every morning. He greets me when I get home. And yes I even let him give me slobbery kisses. I don't like dog kisses I'm a kitty kissing person. Love those rough tongues. But for him, I let Kai show me love.

When we got him from the Human society, well first Anetra fell right in love with him, and because she loved him, I knew this would be my first adventure as a new dog owner. Yes I was a little disappointed that we didn't get him as a puppy. But after the 2nd night with him, it was like he was always ours and he was always there.

He has site issues. He was born with it. depth perception is not his thing. He runs into everything and trips up and down stairs, but this dog loves life.

He has so many goofy faces. we die laughing at him all the time. He is the best.

He has hip displacia. in both hips. the advise we got from two different vets, we got three options, was to put him down as soon as possible. (WTF)

How could you put an animal down that loves life so much, Even when he is in pain. How can you do that? What because we are supposed to be the responsible ones to have them not live in pain.

He came to us for a reason, I believe anyone would have gave him back or put him down right away because of his site, and then to find out he needs a $12,000.00 surgery to walk. well people think he is just a dog. Just let go. but when you think you aren't going to have kids, and your four legged animals are your kids, What would you do?

He is getting worse. He doesn't eat much, we have him in swimming lessons to gain muscle to help with his hips. He enjoys outside the most. He sleeps a lot. He adjusts when he sits a a lot.

Think about things, not knowing what to do. He is still full of life. I think we should get wheelies for him. I think that he could do it. I think he would be happy.

But i honestly don't know what i'm talking about. I just don't understand how you can put a life down, when they are inlove with life.

PLUS he has a new friend. MOX. they love each other. Mox loves Kai. they everything together. except for peeing. lol. When Kai goes outside Mox wants to go outside.

Mox is going to miss him. they always look for each other. we always tell kai, go find your kitty. And he does.

I just can't think about it right now. I know by being with us, he has a chance to live his life.

So i'm going to do my best to give him the best life.

I want to get him wheels. :)

I love you Kai Kai

Monday, February 9, 2015


so, one of our seamstress botched 3 groups of costumes. 

3!!!! one of the groups is a small group of 7 girls. 

now the choreographer like a costume I made two years ago, but since I was in a car accident in July she wrote me off as to not ask me if make them. how could I when life was very very hard to get through. 

turns out, I am making them anyways. but this time around, I don't like it. i don't like the fabric, I can't find the right color and I want to honor the choreographers vision.

this is very important to me. since I am a choreographer myself. These things matter. 

BUT - we are on stage in two weeks. TWO!!!!

1 - I ran out of fabric so there is not enough for the skirts. I had bought it all. And i'm not super excited about it. 

2- I ran out of the other fabric for the under skirt. Which I'm not to happy about anyways. 


so right now, i'm screwed. do you know how hard it is to find matching fabric that you can dance in and is magenta. 

do you know how many magenta fabrics there are out there, and the fact that no two are alike. and its not like you can just grab two and think that they will match. Because one is two red one is two purple to pink. it goes on. 

I even ordered swatches from NYC, and I can't find anything to match here in portland. SERIOUSLY???

well - I'm not a professional so maybe i'm looking in all the wrong spots. I gorilla sew, so i don't use patterns and i'm ok with that. 

but now my awesome idea I did years ago, I hate it! I hate it. and i don't want to do it. but if I don't complete this task 7 girls will go with out costumes. 

so off to the fabric store again today. to see what I can do.  maybe they got more in, maybe i can change the idea once again. But really I have two jobs, and don't get home until 9-10 pm every night. 
WHEN am I going to accomplish this. 

Well as you may know. I am a procrastinator. and I do my best work when under way to much pressure. but really? this makes me feel like the universe is against me. When really its the Buddha telling me to keep going. keep pushing through this obstacle. 

So i will keep you posted. but this just sucks. 

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Moxen Harber

We recently got a Bengal, this will be my 2nd I've had. I love him. 

One- never had a boy cat. The rumors are true. They are more loving then females. I had no clue. Bengals are more wild, so they normally don't like to cuddle don't want to be pet at all. But my little Mox, loves to cuddle at 6 am everyday, he loves to come over and nap on you. He love his big brother Kai, and wants to cuddle him too. I love him. 

2-there really isn't a two. I just never though I would own a boy cat. But again he is so sweet and so mouthy like me. Hee hee 

Last night we had a vet apt, we think he has a UTI, so got antibiotics. And was told we have to man Handel him a bit. He doesn't like to be held down. Of course not... So we did this this morning and oh boy. He made noises I have t heard from him. Giving him Meds is not fun at all. 

Last night was his fist time at pet smart. He loved seeing the birdies. And he did walk for us. So cute. Glad there wasn't a ton of other animals there. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


I love this!!!! 

Monday, January 19, 2015


Is it me or do we choose to be work alcoholics? 

I mean...... let me rephrase that. 

I love to work. I love to teach and I love my day job. I just don't like doing both 6 days a week pushing me at 65 hours a week and 1 day off.      SUNDAY. 

By the time that good ole Sunday comes, I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING. I get annoyed with chores, and having to grocery shop, and clean house. But It has to get done, and my partner does it all week long. I can only really help out big time, on Sundays. When really All I want to do is sit on the couch and be lazy and relax my brain. And I do that. 


then I get upset. I have a growing list of projects that I want to get accomplished, one of them being a NYC trip Anetra and I took almost two years ago. I new years resolution last year was to start scrap booking out life and to keep up with it. Well how am I supposed to do that when I honestly don't have time to do so. I don't get to see her as much as I really want too. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. 

GOOD - because I miss her all the time and cherish the time that we actually get to spend together. plus i feel like we don't ever get sick of each other. But honestly would we get sick of each other? I don't think so at all. We are both very busy people and are constantly on the go. we like our life like that. But I need two days of a weekend not one.

BAD - because I only get to really see her when I get home at night. and that usually is a quick hi how was your day, and then I shower, try to relax my brain and then we go to bed. AND I miss out on what our fuzzy four legged kids do during the day. :( 

SO... this is going to change. It has too, I have been saying it for 5 years now and I will make it happen this year at some point. I just don't know how it will happen, and that scares me. But i have faith in my practice and I know what will be will be. 

Thursday, January 15, 2015

One Little Word 2015


My word this year is courage. I am still following with Ali Edwards class. I have saved all the prompts from the pervious years and I do the ones I really like oever and over again. 

This year another student....had us all sign up with out words and address to recieve a pen pal. 

Pen pal...back before you had emails and internet, and you had so much to say in a written letter. I love getting mail. i love it so much. i have always loved this. 

Emails, and texts are so impersonible. But social media is how people respond to everhthing. For instanvce, I have one parent who likes to email me, facebook me and text me all the same question to make sure I get the message. Which I can understand. Even though something is sent via text. we get the message most of the time, and most of the time not. So you never really know if texting really works. So I applaud the effort yet then I get pissy about it. lol I can never win with my emotions sometimes. 

I can get off subject. Back to my word. COURAGE. 

My life has always been busy. ALWAYS. I've always had two jobs, I've always worked days and then danced/ taught at night. I never have time to do things I really want to do. 

Having two jobs right now, office managing and teaching at night. I really don't even have time to try and relax when I get home to fall a sleep before midnight and then up at 6:30..shhhh I get up at 7.

SO....why courage. 

fear. why not fearless...because I am fearless in so many aspects of my life. I need the courage to back up the fearless choices I make. I'm affriad to quit one of my jobs. I'm affriad to quit teaching because there isn't alot of dance opps here for people my age. I'm old for a dancer. lol. I'm affriad to quit my day job. I dont make enough money teaching, and that job doesn't have a 401 or health insurance. 

Choices I have to make. but i really need to courage to take the first step. I need that courage to make a choice and stick with it, knowing if might not be the right choice but that I actually took a first step which I'm so scared of doing so. Me and my partner, are going to buy a house in the near future. so do I keep my crazy schedule because that will mean I will have an even bigger bill and responsibility to have. 

the thing is I make the same at both jobs. so cutting one out, will cut what i make a year in HALF!!!! HALF!!!!!  so, really no more fun things. I had one job to pay the bills and the other job to play with and to really save for the future. so do I really want to cut that. NO of course I don't want too. 

but can I keep going 65 hours a week 6 days a week?  I just started scrap booking a trip from almost two years ago...I cry in my car because I can't art journal because Sundays are chore and catch up on dance stuff days or I just end up sitting on the couch knowing I dont' have to do anything at all. 

I know I have made a choice of propbably not going to teach on saturdays anymore. It's to much for me, but solos will happen even sat for the first three months of school. uggg....I sometimes ask my self why did dance choose me? 

I didn't choose it, it choose me, I can't live without it. but sometimes I just want to quit and live not so stressful and just work a regular job.  Sucks i think that way. but i'm tired. 

so....COURAGE to make a choice and to have courage to stick with it.