Wednesday, February 25, 2015


I got my word the other day,. Made me feel so good.


my word is challenging me right now. I need the courage to actually really change. I'm tired of having two jobs, i'm not tired of the money that comes in. But whats the point of having money you can't really spend or have time to yourself or spend time with your loved ones.

I'm at a loss.


My college Professor died the other day.

Ron Tossone.

He was amazing. I loved his energy I loved his classes. I miss his warm up. I miss him. I have always wanted to make it back to Point Park to say hello. my favorite class was at 1:30 Tuesday through Friday in room 708. I loved that studio, when it got light, it was so nice. We always did jazz runs, and old school jazz. Really its Luigi Jazz. I was raised on this style of dance. LOVED it! It needs to come back actually. I'm ready for power house Jazz routines again.

my lesson learned, don't wait for the prefect moment to do something. just do it. do it now or the time will be to late.

This is so scary to me. I am going through this right now as we speak. I want to quit one of my jobs, obviously not dance, but I can't afford it. I really can't not if we are going to buy a house soon. but something has to give. something does. I'm so tired.  I'm all over the place. I'm trying. I'm happy, but not happy because I have projects I want to do, and I honestly don't have time to do them, unless I only get about 3 hours of sleep.

What to do....what to do...

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Bullet Journal

On a blog, I don't remember who's but I follow so many to get inpired and to see what others do for organization, I found this. 

Bullet Journal

first off - 

I have like 5 notebooks in my purse. yes 5!!!! 
All for different meanings. 

lets see:
the white one:     my daily calender. 
never ending:       journal/ one little word
comp book :        disorder (dance)
one little black :   costumes/dance
on little black :     notes

I am a post it note queen, I write things everywhere and then just stick it on my calendar. Then move the sticky note and then lose the sticky notes. Then rewrite what I thought I had to do. I love to cross things out. So using the cross out for irrelevant is going to be hard for me. Cross out means done in my head. we are supposed to check the box or make an x....but....I am going to try it his way, but I don't think that is going to last.  Plus its easier on my eyes to know the cross out means DONE! for irrelevant we just let be. or a double cross out. Yeah I think I like that. Double cross out it is. 

so anyways on someone's blog, they said they are bullet journaling. Now I can see right now, I will still need my calendar only because I have to write things down and I'm very busy. one line a day is not enough for me. 
Thinking on a solution on that one. 5 books to 2 books is so much better, but again I want one place! 
This other person bought a min calendar to put in the back. Maybe I'll print out my own and paste it in there. I'm not sure yet. 

So I made my key, I wrote out the month, then my tasks - yes there are a lot right now. But I love writing things down. I'm not to key on having to write things down again, or I am confused on the day to day part. Not sure. I'm watched the video like 3 times, taking note. LOL

well I really need a solution. My purse is always so heavy and then I always freak when I never have the correct notebook. 

I'm trying this out, because I know me and my mom are the same. She has about 10 notebooks all shapes and sizes. If I could help her with that, MAN this would be great. 

I subject my life in notebooks, its vary hard to even think about combining them, but I'm so excited to try. 
Here we go! lets see how long this last!. 
I just know I have to carry it everywhere. 
like EVERYWHERE or it wont happen, even to teach my kids. 
I want to track what we do and be able to go back to it, so I can be a better teacher. 
Yeah i'm so excited and this is what I needed today. As you can see I'm a busy girl. 

Throw Back Thursday

True Blue Madonna



So we have comp this weekend. I think you should know my schedule because I still can't believe I have made it this week. 

Lets start with last valentines day. 

10-4pm taught dance
rush to the fabric store to get more thread
make dinner
7-10pm start sewing
10-11:30 pm watch movie with my girl friend

Sunday - 
up at 8:30
grocery shopping for sunday dinners
got food in the crockpot by 10:30am
10:30 - 6:45pm SEWING
8pm-1am SEWING

work 8-4pm
teach dance 5-9:30 pm
10:15 pm home - 1am SEWING

work 8- 3
worked out 
7pm started sewing until 1am

work 8-2:30 
store for more thread
taught dance 4-9
home at 10:30 
10:30 -1am SEWING

work 8-2:30
teach dance 3:30- 6
break - finish sewing costumes by hand
teach 7:45-9:15
home by lets say 10pm
10:30 SEWING until I finsh

What I have to do tonight. 
Finish 5 tops
completely make a new skirt

work 8-5pm
comp from 5- midnight

work 10-1:00
comp from 2-midnight

comp from 9-midnight. 

I'm tired just looking at the days coming up. especially tonight. 

Im done. 

I'm crazy. 

my poor family. 

How many times have I cried you ask?   3.....not bad. Chanting helps ALOT, my awesome girlfriend who is getting everything for me and doing everything for me. I have not helped clean the house or do anything in over a week. :(   This is our life. Life of an artits and dancer/ dance teacher. What we do for these kids, and they don't even know. 

On another note just found these at work, Thank you for brining them in!!!!!

I know I'm not supposed to eat them. But I'm going to anyways today. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Kai - my first dog

This is Kai. Malakai Doogan.  We have had him for almost a year in July.

He is my first dog. The best dog. the one you want to stay with you forever.

He is so funny, he loves veggies. He eats two pieces of sweet potatoes every morning for his breakfast.

He comes running when you are chopping zucchinis. He loves zucchinis. I don't understand why he does but he does.

He love me. I've never had a dog really love me. He checks on me, does Gongyo, with me every morning. He greets me when I get home. And yes I even let him give me slobbery kisses. I don't like dog kisses I'm a kitty kissing person. Love those rough tongues. But for him, I let Kai show me love.

When we got him from the Human society, well first Anetra fell right in love with him, and because she loved him, I knew this would be my first adventure as a new dog owner. Yes I was a little disappointed that we didn't get him as a puppy. But after the 2nd night with him, it was like he was always ours and he was always there.

He has site issues. He was born with it. depth perception is not his thing. He runs into everything and trips up and down stairs, but this dog loves life.

He has so many goofy faces. we die laughing at him all the time. He is the best.

He has hip displacia. in both hips. the advise we got from two different vets, we got three options, was to put him down as soon as possible. (WTF)

How could you put an animal down that loves life so much, Even when he is in pain. How can you do that? What because we are supposed to be the responsible ones to have them not live in pain.

He came to us for a reason, I believe anyone would have gave him back or put him down right away because of his site, and then to find out he needs a $12,000.00 surgery to walk. well people think he is just a dog. Just let go. but when you think you aren't going to have kids, and your four legged animals are your kids, What would you do?

He is getting worse. He doesn't eat much, we have him in swimming lessons to gain muscle to help with his hips. He enjoys outside the most. He sleeps a lot. He adjusts when he sits a a lot.

Think about things, not knowing what to do. He is still full of life. I think we should get wheelies for him. I think that he could do it. I think he would be happy.

But i honestly don't know what i'm talking about. I just don't understand how you can put a life down, when they are inlove with life.

PLUS he has a new friend. MOX. they love each other. Mox loves Kai. they everything together. except for peeing. lol. When Kai goes outside Mox wants to go outside.

Mox is going to miss him. they always look for each other. we always tell kai, go find your kitty. And he does.

I just can't think about it right now. I know by being with us, he has a chance to live his life.

So i'm going to do my best to give him the best life.

I want to get him wheels. :)

I love you Kai Kai

Monday, February 9, 2015


so, one of our seamstress botched 3 groups of costumes. 

3!!!! one of the groups is a small group of 7 girls. 

now the choreographer like a costume I made two years ago, but since I was in a car accident in July she wrote me off as to not ask me if make them. how could I when life was very very hard to get through. 

turns out, I am making them anyways. but this time around, I don't like it. i don't like the fabric, I can't find the right color and I want to honor the choreographers vision.

this is very important to me. since I am a choreographer myself. These things matter. 

BUT - we are on stage in two weeks. TWO!!!!

1 - I ran out of fabric so there is not enough for the skirts. I had bought it all. And i'm not super excited about it. 

2- I ran out of the other fabric for the under skirt. Which I'm not to happy about anyways. 


so right now, i'm screwed. do you know how hard it is to find matching fabric that you can dance in and is magenta. 

do you know how many magenta fabrics there are out there, and the fact that no two are alike. and its not like you can just grab two and think that they will match. Because one is two red one is two purple to pink. it goes on. 

I even ordered swatches from NYC, and I can't find anything to match here in portland. SERIOUSLY???

well - I'm not a professional so maybe i'm looking in all the wrong spots. I gorilla sew, so i don't use patterns and i'm ok with that. 

but now my awesome idea I did years ago, I hate it! I hate it. and i don't want to do it. but if I don't complete this task 7 girls will go with out costumes. 

so off to the fabric store again today. to see what I can do.  maybe they got more in, maybe i can change the idea once again. But really I have two jobs, and don't get home until 9-10 pm every night. 
WHEN am I going to accomplish this. 

Well as you may know. I am a procrastinator. and I do my best work when under way to much pressure. but really? this makes me feel like the universe is against me. When really its the Buddha telling me to keep going. keep pushing through this obstacle. 

So i will keep you posted. but this just sucks.