One Little Word 2015

COURAGE. 

My word this year is courage. I am still following with Ali Edwards class. I have saved all the prompts from the pervious years and I do the ones I really like oever and over again. 

This year another student....had us all sign up with out words and address to recieve a pen pal. 

Pen pal...back before you had emails and internet, and you had so much to say in a written letter. I love getting mail. i love it so much. i have always loved this. 

Emails, and texts are so impersonible. But social media is how people respond to everhthing. For instanvce, I have one parent who likes to email me, facebook me and text me all the same question to make sure I get the message. Which I can understand. Even though something is sent via text. we get the message most of the time, and most of the time not. So you never really know if texting really works. So I applaud the effort yet then I get pissy about it. lol I can never win with my emotions sometimes. 

I can get off subject. Back to my word. COURAGE. 

My life has always been busy. ALWAYS. I've always had two jobs, I've always worked days and then danced/ taught at night. I never have time to do things I really want to do. 

Having two jobs right now, office managing and teaching at night. I really don't even have time to try and relax when I get home to fall a sleep before midnight and then up at 6:30..shhhh I get up at 7.

SO....why courage. 

fear. why not fearless...because I am fearless in so many aspects of my life. I need the courage to back up the fearless choices I make. I'm affriad to quit one of my jobs. I'm affriad to quit teaching because there isn't alot of dance opps here for people my age. I'm old for a dancer. lol. I'm affriad to quit my day job. I dont make enough money teaching, and that job doesn't have a 401 or health insurance. 

Choices I have to make. but i really need to courage to take the first step. I need that courage to make a choice and stick with it, knowing if might not be the right choice but that I actually took a first step which I'm so scared of doing so. Me and my partner, are going to buy a house in the near future. so do I keep my crazy schedule because that will mean I will have an even bigger bill and responsibility to have. 

the thing is I make the same at both jobs. so cutting one out, will cut what i make a year in HALF!!!! HALF!!!!!  so, really no more fun things. I had one job to pay the bills and the other job to play with and to really save for the future. so do I really want to cut that. NO of course I don't want too. 

but can I keep going 65 hours a week 6 days a week?  I just started scrap booking a trip from almost two years ago...I cry in my car because I can't art journal because Sundays are chore and catch up on dance stuff days or I just end up sitting on the couch knowing I dont' have to do anything at all. 

I know I have made a choice of propbably not going to teach on saturdays anymore. It's to much for me, but solos will happen even sat for the first three months of school. uggg....I sometimes ask my self why did dance choose me? 

I didn't choose it, it choose me, I can't live without it. but sometimes I just want to quit and live not so stressful and just work a regular job.  Sucks i think that way. but i'm tired. 

so....COURAGE to make a choice and to have courage to stick with it.