Head

Lets talk about how it's going to be two years since the accident July 11th and I'm still getting headaches. 

This process has been then worst thing- or not the worst- but it's been mind altering. I have changed as a person, it had changed my creativity. It has changed the fact that I can't dance anymore and my dreams are slowing slipping away from me. 

Now my mom would totally change that part about me, but I've had a headache now for a week straight and I'm literally ready to jump off a cliff. I can't take the pain anymore. What more am I supposed to do? I sleep as much as I can. I have two jobs! When I get home I can't even watch tv or listen to music because my brain has had enough. 

AND..... Lights in a dark room triggers the headaches. I'm a god damn performer for peaks sake! How am I supposed to be in a theatre during tech or even watching shows when it triggers migraines. To the point I don't understand what I'm seeing. I'm at a point where I'm ready to quit dance. I'm serious, how can I get better and perform when I can't get the headache to go away. I don't want to give up. But I can't take extra classes for me when I work two jobs, and have the headache. What am I supposed to do? 

So that is an update. I feel like I'm going backwards. I did great for 3 months. Then during comp in Seattle, I almost threw up from the lights flashing. I knew I was done, but still needed to be there for my students. And honestly I'm so done with this injury I just want to push through it. But how can I? 

So again that's where I am. Trying to get better for me, and trying to heal. Because who can take off two years off to heal as an adult? No body can.... Unless you are the 1 % or married to someone who makes millions. It sucks. But I'm trying my best everyday!